We don’t really need to list reasons why being bald is awesome but as a bald man I like to point out how awesome I am, so here is a list of 8 reasons why bald men are awesome!
1. Women love to rub your head
I’m not sure if it’s because they think it gives them good luck or if they like the texture of noggin stubble but I do know this; they cannot help it! Being bald opened up a new world of head rubbage for me and it will for you.
2. You know before the rest of the world that it’s raining
No darned hair getting in the way, your umbrella is out and poised while those other hair headed fools are dripping wet. When this occurs always ensure to laugh maniacally for the greatest effect.
3. Cats and dogs love to lick your head
Yeah, I know, this one sounds gross but I had over 21k likes on my social channels for a video of my pug licking my head. Go figure, who knew something so gross would be so widely appealing?
“I love @nicknotmatthew so much that I just can’t stop licking his massive bald dome!” #pug #puppy #puglife #puglove #pugsofinstagram #perro #dog #spain #spainlife #pugstagram #pugnation #pugoftheday #pugpuppy #pugworld #pugsnotdrugs #puppypug #pugstar #badmotherpugger #instapug #pugnarcelona #pugsofnarcelona #pugsofinstagram #puggalicious #puppylove #instapug #bcn #barcelona #international #wonderpug
4. You now have great reason to move cities/country
Everyone from your hair days will like to remind you of how bald you now are like it’s a bad thing. I always get asked “What happened to your hair?” my reply is standard now “The same thing that happened to your last relationship/grandmother/pet. It died.”. That shuts them up but it also creates some undue animosity so… you can move to a new city free from the hair heads of your past. In a new city you will simply be “the cute bald guy” rather than “that bald jerk who keeps bringing up my failed marriage”.
5. Being bald is good for the environment
You’re bald now, that’s cool, you must care so much about your carbon footprint, right? Right! No more hair means no more wax, gel, shampoo, conditioner, no more containers to hold the products and no more transport to get them to your local retailer. Being bald just impacted the environment in an amazing way!
6. Your fancy dress options just went from cool to awesome
You normally dress up as a robot or a superhero when a fancy dress event comes around, we all did. Well, no more, friend! You’ve got options from TuPac to Lex Luther, Mike Tyson to Vin Diesel and so many more. Voldemort is my favourite option, slightly behind an older John MacLane…yippeekayay, mother fluffer.
7. You are cooler, literally cooler
You’re on the beach with friends, they all complaint that it’s too hot, they look at you and gasp… you’re not sweating, you’re smiling and relaxed. Why? Well that’s because humans with hair loose less heat from their heads; meaning you lose heaps more heat and thus are much cooler than everyone else. Fact. Science fact!
8. You have a hat for all occasions
I spent €2,843 last month on hats and I regret nothing. Hat’s come in handy to cover your head and keep it safe form the sun or the cold, they also add to your coolness levels and are a great talking point when you don’t want to talk about how bald you are. Hat’s are your best friends now.
Not that you needed to know all of this but it’s all true and based in science, bald men are sexier, more intelligent and also much better in bed. Science.
Noggins of Newton are offering clipper and cutthroat head shaves at 50% off provided you mention this article, swing by and discus all the reasons why you are better than everyone else with our team. Why not throw in a beard trim too? You are rocking a beard right? My guide to being bald and bearded is coming soon!